Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
