you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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