last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
