Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i think i just lost a toe
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
