I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
