I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
