She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize