bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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