I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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