Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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