420 ftw
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize