ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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