i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
