it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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