Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
