upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So vagazzling was a success
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize