So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
