I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
