We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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