Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
