I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
