If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize