Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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