im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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