I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
