I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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