my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
