EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
