In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
