I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize