Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
