Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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