I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
