So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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