Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
