God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
