He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize