You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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