i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize