There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
