i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
