You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
