Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
