do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
