Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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