Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
