I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
