Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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