Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
