We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
