i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
