Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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