Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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