If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
