see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
