I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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