pop tarts are not kleenex
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
