you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
