My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
