we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
