i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
