so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
