I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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