i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
