Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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