my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
