I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
