sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
