She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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