Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
