I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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