So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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