hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
