You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
