the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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