My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
