bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
