grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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