Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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