Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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