well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
