Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
