He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
