I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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