Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
