Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
