I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
