Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
