Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
