so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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