Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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