Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Randomize
