I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
