we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
