I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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