i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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