You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Randomize
