I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
