Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
