I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
