I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
