My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize