Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
