Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
