they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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