And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
