I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
