She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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